Hello to anyone who is reading (and thank you for reading),
It has been quite a while that I’ve blogged! It actually feels foreign and quite strange to sit here and write something about myself to be read by someone, maybe strangers—people I can’t see. I don’t know how I did it so freely before!
Gosh, I’ve gone though so many identity shifts while writing this blog. If you recall…
I started off as a 24-year-old who was adjusting to life after a 150-pound-weight-loss. I sought a community of people who could understand–other people who had issues with their bodies, or who could relate to how jarring it is to go from something society deems diseased and unsavory to something deemed…acceptable, at times desirable, at times plain objectified. For a while, I was filled with hubris and the naive belief that because I had lost weight, I could use this blog for didactic purposes. I shared my calorie intake, my exercise logs. I think I yearned for validation. If I could prove I was doing everything I could to be thin and beautiful, I was somehow worthy (of love? of friendship?).
I, as most young women are wont to do, became obsessed with being thin; and I used the weight-loss-blogging community to fuel my disorder. I can’t bring myself to read some of my older posts. At the time, I felt they read like “inspiration” (my antennae now go up whenever I hear that word). I’m sure my older posts, in fact, read like the real-life hunger games.
Thankfully, after some soul-searching and diligent research, I found feminism, gained some media literacy, went to therapy, deconstructed the body politics that had enslaved me and became a proud member of the Fat Acceptance Movement.
You can say I did a full 180.
Since my last post, I’ve gotten married. I changed jobs from something that was a great learning and life experience, but unsustainable in its demands, to something that is sustainable and fulfilling. I have found peace and harmony in my self-reflection. I have become more introverted and more selfish of my time and thoughts.
While I will always honor this blog for the space that it was for me to speak, to confront myself and to grow, to make friends and to share in the journey of others, I’m not sure it’s a space I’m going to continue investing in.
I’m unwilling to say that I won’t be back here because you know…once a snarky blogger, always a snarky blogger. But, I have no immediate plans to continue blogging here or about my personal life. So, with that in mind, I felt like I should have something up here saying hi-but-kinda-goodbye.
To anyone reading this–may you find peace, may you choose happiness, and may you savor the chocolate.
Lastly, practice loving who you are (that’s the only way you’ll learn).